Friday, May 3, 2013

Women's insecurities in romantic relationships

Woman may have numerous types of insecurities.  (See my post on Women's insecurities about her body.)  In relationships, women want to know that they are appreciated for both their body and everything else other than their body.  If this is not clear to them, some women tend to overanalyze situations, and take small details and build a whole story from them.  Therefore, it is best to understand what some of these insecurities are so they can be alleviated. 

Short-term relationships

When will he call? 
Men, if you went out on a date, or got the contact information of a girl you are interested in, don't wait too long to contact us even though you don't want to appear too eager.  Be considerate.  Women do not like men who play games.  If you want to wait a little before contacting us, I would suggest no longer than 2-4 days.  The older we are, the less of a waiting game we want to play.  If you are busy, just send a brief text or email saying you are busy but will contact her again soon to chat or meet.  It puts you in a good light by demonstrating that you are reliable and thinking of us even if you are busy.  However, if you specify that you will call on a certain day, make sure to call her on that day.  Otherwise, you will give the impression that you cannot keep your word.

Is he interested in me?  
If a woman is interested in a man, she naturally wants to know if the feeling is mutual.  So guys, let her know that you are interested - tell her straightout, or hint by giving her a casual call/text/email or flowers.  (You can get more ideas from my post on What impresses women and men.) 

Does he just want to sleep with me?
It is important to discuss whether you are looking for a casual or serious relationship early so there is no confusion.  If both parties want a serious relationship, then it is a matter of getting a feel of how quickly the other person wants to progress in intimacy.  Either explicitly discuss it, or go slow and follow her signals.

Is he seeing someone else?
Especially in the world of online dating, it is common that your date is communicating with, or seeing, other people.  It is important to be honest about this, either when asked or by bringing the topic up yourself.  And when you are at the point in the relationship where you want to be mutually exclusive, have a conversation about it.  Do not assume that sleeping together means that you will be (or already are) mutually exclusive, so perhaps this topic should be broached prior to being intimate.   

Long-term relationships

Does he still find me attractive? 
Passion in the relationship usually simmers over time and women may think that you are no longer interested in her.  It is important to reassure her that you still find her attractive and love her.  Therefore, compliment her, write her a note, or plan something outside of the daily routine.  (See my posts on Ideas for dates and What impresses women and men.)

Is he interested in someone else?
Think about why she may think you are interested in someone else.  Is it because she had a prior partner who cheated on her?  Or is it because you are giving her a reason to think that you are cheating - do you flirt, look at other women, or barely pay attention to her?  Whatever the reason, address it.  Reassure her that you are only interested in her and not anyone else, and that you do not intend to cheat.

How is my performance in bed?
Men are not the only ones who have performance anxiety.  Women also want to know that they are satisfying their partner.  So let her know that you are happy with the way things are going.  But if you are not happy, tell her delicately.  Do not say what she is doing wrong.  Instead, tell her there is a different technique or something new that you want to try.

Will this relationship lead to marriage?
Most (but not all) women want to eventually get married.  If you have no intention of marrying her, let her know soon.  If you think there may be a chance of marriage, discuss it casually or allude to it (either the topic of marriage in general or marrying her specifically) so she knows it is a possibility in the future.  However, the further along in the relationship, the more serious you would have to be about taking the plunge.

Other insecurities

There are other things that women may feel insecure about in a relationship.  She may think that her financial status/income, job/career, intelligence, educational level, or even fertility may affect how her partner perceives her.  This applies to women on both ends of the spectrum.  (See my post on Difficulties of being a woman with a successful career in dating.)

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